writing piece for critiquitaire (hope I spelled that right lol)! beginning of a story I’m writing, 456 words

In all truthfulness, my job is incredibly boring.

I work at a travel agency, usually just cleaning up and that sort of thing, except there’s one little problem. Nobody ever comes in. I get paid, though, so it still works. Usually I wander around or look up amazing vacation spots I’m probably never going to go to. Even that gets boring, though. I’ve never been in the back of the store. Usually there’s a little sign that says “Do not enter,” but today there’s nothing. In my book, that means I have free roam.

The back halls are incredibly clean. The white tile floor is literally shining, and I don’t see a speck of dust floating around in the air. At the end of the hallway, I see a door, which seems normal enough. But I’ve never seen this door before. The hallway I’m in is in view of my desk, but it’s all different- the floors are wood, and it’s much less clean. I can still see my desk, though, so I know it’s the same hallway. Next to the metal door is a notebook- no, a sign-in sheet. I peek through the tiny window at the top, but I think it’s been covered, because I can only see a little bit of light. What harm could it do? I sign my name in the book and open the door.

Inside is the same as the hallway- everything in blinding white and the smell of dozens of cleaning solutions. There are people in lab coats examining various mechanics and papers. One of them looks up at me- her name tag says she’s Dr. Munsen. She comes over to me and shakes my hand. “I’m Dr. Munsen, but you can call me Elizabeth. We’ve been wondering when you would find us. Let me show you around,” she says, waving for me to follow her. I feel very out of place, considering I’m in my usual “work” clothes: t-shirt, leggings, black Converse high-tops, and a ponytail. “What is this place? How come I’ve never seen it before?” I ask as I follow Elizabeth into another room.

“This is the Grander Time Travel and Research Facility. We just call it GTT, though, since it’s a bit of a mouthful. You’ve never seen it before because it only appears to someone when they’re read to see it. Until today, you haven’t been.”

“So, what? I’m a scientist? I just work at the travel agency, I haven’t even gone to college yet. I don’t think I’d be much help with…time travel.” As absurd as it sounds, it doesn’t really surprise me. I’ve thought that this place had to have something more about it since I started my summer job here.

Right Where You Left Me

I didn’t believe he’d ever be gone until he was. He was mortal - I’d known he couldn’t live forever from the start.

I’d known it from the start.
So why were there unfamiliar tears running down my tired cheeks, my tired face? He had lasted two nights of disease before he drew his last breath - the sickness had taken over him fast, and none of us had a cure. Hexes lived forever; we didn’t need an antidote. Only humans need antidotes.
And Hexes weren’t supposed to ever communicate with humans.

Still, I had welcomed him to our village with open arms. I’d been foolish, and now both him and I had to pay for it. There were reasons we were never meant to see humans, never even meet their eyes. I thought it was because we were scared of them.
I should’ve known it was humans that should’ve been scared of us.

When you’re immortal, sickness doesn’t affect you. But if you’re human, a disease caught from an immortal witch certainly does. I saw it as the life left his eyes, how he still smiled at me as his heartbeat felt flat.

‘I don’t blame you,’ he’d whispered. ‘I knew this could happen when I climbed over your fence.”
And then, he spoke the last words that ever passed his lips. Eight words that sent both stars and tears to my eyes.
Words that changed my world forever.

‘It was worth it. Worth it for you.’

✬

I know now that a part of my heart will love him forever. I will always long for a different ending to our chapter, but even Hexes cannot turn back time. We cannot turn back time and we cannot bring back the dead.
It seemed almost as if the gods were laughing at me, taunting me, dimming my powers to a meaningless glow. Hexes are raised to believe themselves the most powerful beings in our corner of the universe, but the two things I yearned for more than anything were impossible.
I tried everything to bring him back. Enchantments from the old witch in the woods I’d been warned from childhood to stay away from had no effect. Wearing a bracelet of ‘bewitched’ dried flowers did nothing but adorn my wrist. I knew I was powerless to meet him again, but it took me weeks - months - to fully believe it. Candles didn’t bring him back. Wishing didn’t bring him back. Praying didn’t bring him back.
I took comfort that he didn’t blame me entirely for his end, but it still felt like a dagger in my side every time I remembered that it was because of me. Because of my selfish longing for love that my first and last lover was gone.

Gone.
The word still tastes bitter on my tongue, even now. Over a hundred years later the words etched into his grave have faded, but the heartbroken witch he left behind is still right here. In the cottage now overgrown with vines where they once dreamed of a future together. In the kitchen where they danced around the wooden table, sitting at the chair he carved out of a felled oak just for her.

The pain still feels fresh, but it slowly dims. I remind myself that it is better to remember time spent fondly than to curse its brevity.
After all, Hexes live forever.

A Reverence That Should Not Have Been

Caspian always liked fire. He contemplated that as he sat in front of the portal, trailing his finger in the water that surrounded the platform it was located at. He could still remember his mother scolding him for it, reprimands that he was supposed to like water, that was what she had been born to do. She was the heir to the crown of Aqua Pura, water was his element. He was supposed to like water, not fire. But that hadn’t stopped her, hadn’t stopped her from staring at candles with a reverence that should not have been. He wasn’t sure what he liked about the fire, maybe it was how pretty it seemed. Maybe it was how it would light up a room with little effort. Maybe it was how dangerous it was. Maybe it was how unobtainable it was. He wasn’t quite sure, Caspian had never been one for quiet contemplation. But it had become increasingly clear that the love of fire that she thought had been stamped out had never gone away. He rose, letting water drip from his hand. There couldn’t be any more stalling, even if every bone in her body was screaming at him not to do this. He never had a habit of listening to anyone anyway. He took a shaky breath and stepped though the portal.

The remnants of water on his hand evaporated the second the portal dropped him in the Nether. He stumbled forward leaning against a wall to steady himself. The nausea that came with traveling between the two dimensions was something he‘d probably never get used to. After he had a moment to recover he looked around, as per usual no one had noticed his arrival. A fact that was both comforting and concerning. He took a step out into the large bustling crowd and began a steady walk to his destination. Venders lined all available sides of the street, proclaiming their wares.
“Candles made from the strongest wax!”
“Mats of authentic sheep’s wool! Imported all the way from the Overworld!”
“Blaze rods! Sold in bulk!”
The last one sent an unexpected shudder through him, the memory of the clanking of the blaze falling to the floor and moments later being pinned against the nether brick. She shook it off moving forward quicker. She was Caspian! She didn’t let things get to her, she never looked back on the past, only moved forward. She was known for being the more impulsive ruler, the do-first-think-second type. In her haste he ended up trippiing. A clawed hand caught her and hauled her up. “Careful, kid. You’d go for a pretty price if the wrong people found you, especially with that crown on your head.” Then the hand shoved her back into the crowd. Caspian’s pace quickened once more but he moved more carefully this time. She had no idea what the stranger had meant, and honestly, she didn’t want to find out.

Finally, there he was. The embassy. She looked up at the roof that came up to a sharp point, sun glinting off of the shiny red brick. Deep cyan wood made the body of the building, two towering doors made of the same material in the center. She stood a moment, working the courage to move forward. Come on Casp, you can do this. You’re the co-ruler of a whole empire. You’ve been on the throne since you were 17, you can do hard things. You can do this. And so he did. He swung open the door and walked into the room, slipping into the mask with a practiced ease.
“Hey all! Kiran was occupied with more pressing matters and couldn’t make it with me, so I’ll be representing the both of us.”
The assembled rulers all gave waves and varying versions of hello, even Uri. Caspian looked at the table, freezing for a moment. She could feel a panic starting to well up inside her, because the fire was right there. She had been the last one to get here, which meant there was only one chair left. That chair was next to Uri. She tried not to let her worry show as she sat down, stealing a glance at the blazeborn. Uri held a very clear disdain for her (which she felt was honestly, quite justified considering that she had literally murdered one of his kind). It was so clear in fact, that it was almost palpable. You could almost feel the dislike radiating from the ruler of the Nether’s empire. Caspian… felt differently. He didn’t like to admit it, that she felt a certain way about someone who very clearly did not like her. But she couldn’t quite help it, couldn’t help stealing glances and observing laughs. At first she’d found it annoying, annoying how he seemed to be drawn to Uri like a magnet. How everyone else did as well. He’s found it profoundly annoying how stunning the blazeborn was. But now it wasn’t annoying, it was just a fact. He would never admit it out loud (except to her brother of course) but she may have felt the polar opposite of the way Uri did. God, Caspian was pathetic.
“All right, now that we’re all here and settled in, we should begin business. I have some news on our quartz exports; unfortunately we’ve experienced some issues with our current business model so we are going to have to cut any special orders. We can still deliver the standard but anything extra is undoable.”

This received several groans of annoyance, but things moved on. It went like this for some time, each ruler going through announcements at a snail’s pace. Today seemed especially lengthy. Each empire had an exceptional amount of information to go through. It was, in fact, so lengthy that, according to the Overworld clock on the wall, (Caspian couldn’t help but steal glances at it, he hated meetings,) it was well into the night. Some of the rulers seemed to be lagging behind a little, and Caspian could hear Uri next to him, murmuring faintly under its breath. Then it stood, rather suddenly, startling everyone into looking over to the short ruler. “Alright. It’s late for you all, it’s even late for me. I propose that we head to our individual embassy buildings and bunk there for the night so we may continue tomorrow. Anyone who hadn’t built their embassy building or has none will have to pair up.” Caspian’s eyes darted around the room trying to find a good candidate to pair up with. He’d known most of the rulers since he’d been a kid, surely one of them would be willing to pair up with him. Immediately her eyes went to Ezra but in the seconds it had taken Uri to speak he’d already offered to take in one of the people sitting next to him. Quite frankly, she wasn’t surprised, that was a quintessentially Ezra thing to do. Unfortunately for Caspian, Ezra was one of about three people who actually had an embassy building, all of whom had been snatched up by people sitting closer to them. It was like grade school all over again, everyone pairing up and leaving Caspian alone.

”Alright, I guess Caspian will be with me. I‘ll see you all tomorrow, have a wonderful night.“ All of the rulers left in one big crowd, leaving Caspian standing next to Uri and he fidgeted with the hem of his sweater. The blaze hybrid whirled around on him the second they had all left, his tail lit up with a fire similar to the one in their eyes.

”What was with that!? You could have had anyone there. I know you well enough to know that. What are you up to?”

Caspian backed up a little “Nothing! I’m not up to anything! They’d all paired up so quickly that I didn’t get a chance to ask anyone.”

”I don’t believe you. You’re charming and convincing. You could have convinced anyone to have taken you instead, hell you probably could have gone with two people and they wouldn’t have minded.”

Uri thinks I’m charming? No. Bad Caspian. They don’t have feelings for you, you have to get over this. “Look, I panicked okay? I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry you have to put up with me for a night but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. I know you hate me and I know it’s justified but the least you could do is exercise some civility. Murderer or not.”

Uri stood, staring up at Caspian with an unreadable expression. At this point all of their hair had caught fire, crackling slightly and illuminating her face. “I don’t like how you act around me. Around everyone else you’re bright and charming and charismatic, and effervescent. You’re like champagne people get drunk on but they never know they’re drunk until the hangover sets in because they’re enjoying the champagne too much. But around me you’re quiet and fidgety and- I don’t know. You don’t have a word in your language for it but you’re like, flat I guess? I don’t like it!” Uri’s blaze rods seemed to heat up with the last statement, “it’s like you’re scared of me! I know I’m not a human but I’m not that different!”

Caspian felt a bit of warmth on their cheeks as they stared blankly at Uri. She felt like she had just received some of the best compliment but also been scolded. It took him a long moment to formulate their response, reaching out to grab Uri’s hand and let their abnormally hot skin singe his own.
“I’m not scared of you because you’re a blazeborn. I’m scared of you because you hate me. I’m scared because you could do a million things with that hate and I couldn’t do anything about it.” I’m scared because I think I’m down so bad for you and you’re going to break my heart.

Uri stared at him, suspicion evident in his eyes, but he never took his hand away.
“I despise you. I hate you with everything I have. But I would never hurt you. I would never do anything to cause harm you. I…” the hybrid trailed off, an expression of unimaginable pain evident on its face. Caspian didn't like that, didn’t know what he had done to cause it. Uri snatched his hand away, an expression of blankness returning to his face as the fire on his hair and tail burned out. It didn’t stop its blaze rods from spinning rapidly around it though and Uri shot a glare at them. Caspian didn’t entirely know what the movements meant but he knew that Uri couldn’t control it. Which probably meant that the blankness on their face was entirely false, before he could say anything Uri started walking. “Let’s get going.” And Caspian hurried after them.

Meet Me in the Moonlight | 320 words

There's a kind of love that knows
A kind of love for sadness
A kind of love for caring
A kind of love that's madness
What are you doing later tonight?

There's a kind of dance that pulls you in
A dance that never lets you go
A dance that makes your heart beat fast
A dance that makes your breath feel slow
Your eyes are filled with special light

Meet me in the moonlight
Before the music ends
Kiss me in the starlight
Before my heart is rent
in
two
I don't know who I was before I
met
you

There's a kind of love that heals,
A kind of love for sadness
A kind of love for summertime
My love is made of madness
What say we go out together, just us two

There's a kind of dance that whirls you round
A dance that binds you
A dance to show you who you are
A dance that finds you
It could be like this forever, just me and you

Meet me after midnight
When the moon is high
Pointing out the stars so bright
Give my heart wings
to
fly
Together we can reach beyond
the
sky

There's a kind of love that makes you pure
A kind of love that makes you whole
A kind of love that lets you see
A kind of love that opens your soul
Meet me in the moonlight

There's a kind of dance that gives you joy
A kind of dance that thrills you
A kind of dance to make you bright
A kind of dance that fills you
Kiss me in the starlight

Find me in the moonlight
Before the night has died
Hold me in the starlight
Close to your side

There's a kind of love that knows
A kind of love for sadness
A kind of love for caring
But my favorite love of all is madness

Critique

First of all, I really enjoyed reading this! It flowed really nicely and was full of similes and metaphors and adjectives, which make it really hard to understand sometimes. I think you should be really proud of yourself!

Overall, I think you could have added a bit more about your characters, to make your reader connect with them more. (Unless this was in the previous chapter) add a description of what they look like, their personality e.g her grandmother looked up, her eyes crinkling with her smile like a sunbeam making her freckles glow or her raven black hair framed her radiant face. I also think ‘she looked towards the sky she could not see’ is a little bit confusing as it is night, which it does explain later, but I think it is just a bit unnecessary. Maybe add another sentence in place of that???

I was also a little confused by Carol and ‘her grandmother’ because it sounds like they are two different people, as most kids don’t call their grandparents by their first name, instead something like Gran or Granny or something ‘Do you remember what’s gonna happen next week sounds a bit strange, I guess? It just didn’t sound right when I read it.

“Oophf,” she oophfed honestly is quite funny lol although (unless it’s a comedy sort of book) most authors wouldn’t suggest putting ‘oophfed’ as a way of speaking xD
The next bit of writing was actually quite funny! ‘Unluckily for my back pain’ ‘in all her aged glory, Carol had of course forgotten to change her granddaughter’s textbooks’ ‘she had witnessed the caretakers scrubbing the extra large size grill enough times to know that there were places she didn’t want to end up in’ this was my favourite part! No bad comments on it!

I also just wanted to say, after ‘letterbox’ you forgot a full stop and after ‘well’ you had a semicolon instead of a comma. My last critique on this is actually the last sentence as it doesn’t provide much suspense, which would usually be included at the end of a chapter. Maybe add another sentence like ‘She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. She was going to do this.’

To finish off, I loved reading through this and would love to read the rest of it! It really drew me in and was very cleverly worded! I hope this critique helped! <3

Critique

First of all, I really enjoyed reading this! It flowed really nicely and was full of similes and metaphors and adjectives, which make it really hard to understand sometimes. I think you should be really proud of yourself!

Overall, I think you could have added a bit more about your characters, to make your reader connect with them more. (Unless this was in the previous chapter) add a description of what they look like, their personality e.g her grandmother looked up, her eyes crinkling with her smile like a sunbeam making her freckles glow or her raven black hair framed her radiant face. I also think ‘she looked towards the sky she could not see’ is a little bit confusing as it is night, which it does explain later, but I think it is just a bit unnecessary. Maybe add another sentence in place of that???

I was also a little confused by Carol and ‘her grandmother’ because it sounds like they are two different people, as most kids don’t call their grandparents by their first name, instead something like Gran or Granny or something ‘Do you remember what’s gonna happen next week sounds a bit strange, I guess? It just didn’t sound right when I read it.

“Oophf,” she oophfed honestly is quite funny lol although (unless it’s a comedy sort of book) most authors wouldn’t suggest putting ‘oophfed’ as a way of speaking xD
The next bit of writing was actually quite funny! ‘Unluckily for my back pain’ ‘in all her aged glory, Carol had of course forgotten to change her granddaughter’s textbooks’ ‘she had witnessed the caretakers scrubbing the extra large size grill enough times to know that there were places she didn’t want to end up in’ this was my favourite part! No bad comments on it!

I also just wanted to say, after ‘letterbox’ you forgot a full stop and after ‘well’ you had a semicolon instead of a comma. My last critique on this is actually the last sentence as it doesn’t provide much suspense, which would usually be included at the end of a chapter. Maybe add another sentence like ‘She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. She was going to do this.’

To finish off, I loved reading through this and would love to read the rest of it! It really drew me in and was very cleverly worded! I hope this critique helped! <3

I never asked to be haunted by a ghost.

But I also never asked for it to leave.
a great hook! i’m immediately drawn in, wondering who the ghost is, how the haunting happens, and what it’s like to be haunted, and why the narrator is saddened when the haunting ends. the relationship you’ve set up in the first two sentences is so intriguing.

But here I was, standing over their grave, in the last moments she had left in the realm, I could see everything in the reflection of the stone, her name carved into it, Naomi Suzuki

And that girl in question was standing next to me, a sort of half-smile on her face, limping slightly to the left.
good setting up of the scene! i’d make this one paragraph and linger on the idea of the reflection of the stone—how does it change the way the scene appears to the narrator? does it reflect the narrator’s emotions in any way?

“Well, I guess this is it,” the girl muttered, a brief moment of sadness shot through my face, before quickly replacing it with my stoic expression.

“Right.” I responded, keeping a straight face. That’s what I’m meant to do. My bottom lip trembled slightly, neither I nor Naomi had noticed it.
the depth of their sadness is shown in the lack of notice of the trembling lip—very well conveyed! i like how the narrator is attempting to be strong and not show emotion, contrasted with Naomi’s willingness to show her sadness

“I wonder how it’ll feel, going to the heavens above…” She muttered.

“I wonder how it’s gonna feel too.” I respond, still staring at the stone. “Say, how did you die? The grave doesn’t say.”
yeouch! quite the question

Naomi flinched, a sensitive topic I presumed.

“Oh…Sorry.” I quickly mutter back, covering my mouth.

Naomi’s expression softened, “Oh…It’s nothing Alex,” Naomi sat down in front of her grave, “It feels…odd to be here, being in front of another me.”

I sit down next to her, I check my phone, “5 more minutes.”
oh naomi </3 ooo a countdown, to a certain amount of time post death?

Naomi perked up, I clenched my fists just a bit, I hadn’t quite noticed it myself, it was a sort of reflex.

Naomi looked up, then at me.
this could be one paragraph too

“You know…These last few weeks with you have been amazing!” Naomi beamed, “It’s a shame I’ll be going soon…”

I look straight at Naomi for a moment before looking down, “Yeah…”

I take out my phone again, “4 minutes.” I exclaim, “How are you feeling?”

Naomi shrugs, “I don’t know how to feel…I just feel…weird.”

“I suppose I’m feeling similarly.” I say in a soft whisper.
this dialogue does a nice job of conveying the emotions, but i’d like to know more about the characters and their relationships

Naomi curls up into a ball and rocks back and forth, “Ah…I’m a bit scared, It is gonna feel like dying a second time?”

I gasp ever so slightly before shutting my mouth, “I don’t know, you’ll find out in…” I take out my phone again, “3 minutes.”

I wince knowing how close it is for when Naomi returns back to the ghost realm, I only find it harder and harder to return to a blank expression.

“I’m almost glad I met you,” Naomi put her hand to her chest,

I nod, “I won’t have to deal with your little annoying banters when you go,” I snicker, resulting in a ‘Hey!’ from the ghost. She attempts to slap me before releasing her hand just phases through.
i like the reminiscence, but a bit more showing (a flashback, maybe? or at least glimpses of memories throughout the weeks) rather than telling how their relationships are would make them feel realer

“Haha, stupid.”

“Shut up.”

I smirk as I take out my phone,

2 minutes.

It’s only getting closer and closer to zero, my heart is beating faster than when I had first seen Naomi in my room.
nice incorporation of a memory snippet!

“Am I ever gonna see you again?” I ask, not quite realizing what I said, not realizing that I had even said it in the first place.

Naomi’s shoulders dropped down, her smile faltering.

“I really don’t know Alex.”

“What…?”

My phone slips out of my pocket, I grab it to put it back.

1 minute.

At this point, it feels like all too much, my vision is blurring, I have to return to that same expression I’ve seen myself with my whole life-! I…

I can’t contain my emotions anymore, only being able to sob and shout it all out. Naomi stared at me, I couldn’t tell what she was feeling towards me, I didn’t know if I wanted to know.

Just then, everything around us started glowing, I let out a gasp for air until snapping my head up.
these three paragraphs could be one

“Well…I guess it’s time,” Naomi lets her smile return to her face, I try smiling back.

“You know…” I stood up with the last of my energy, “I think you're the first person who made me cry in a while…”

I both adored and despised her for that

I watched as her being slowly dissolved into the air, my head suddenly throbbed, I rushed my hands up to clutch onto my head.

“I don’t think you’re going to remember anything from the past weeks, Alex.”

My eyes widened, tears coming out even more rapidly. “WHAT!? YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!”
the all caps is a bit overkill, the words alone do a nice job of conveying the mixed emotions. adding other emotional action words would do good too!

She looked down, “I’m sorry Alex.”

“NO!” I screeched, “I DON’T WANNA FORGET YOU!”

I ran up to hug her, only to phase through and fall to the ground.

“I…”

Naomi was nearly gone, she let out a weak smile

“Perhaps we’ll meet again…In another life.”

That was all I heard, before she completely dissolved into the air.

“NAOMI!!” I cried, not caring how stupid I looked sobbing.

Everything around me turned back to normal, and I looked down.

….

My eyes snapped open, I bolted upright.

“Huh…? What am I doing here?” I muttered to myself.

I blinked a few times, tears fell to the ground.

“What was I crying about…?”

oh that end is so devastating! the emotions in this piece are very strong, but they would be strengthened by additional insight into the two characters and their relationship through references to memories (or even a longer flashback). to better emphasize certain beats, try varying the lengths of paragraphs (i noted a few places that could be made into one paragraph). on the whole, i really enjoyed reading and giving feedback on this piece!

I’m honestly not quite sure why I’m still doing this. Kenzie has been such a terrible friend to me lately, so why am I still hanging out with her? It’s complicated. Actually, it’s not too difficult to understand. Even though she’s a bad friend, I have to stay friends with her since she’s the only friend I have. I don’t want to be lonely all the time, no way, so hanging out with her is the only way I won’t be forced to hang out with the people my mom wants me to. I definitely don’t want to hang out with random people from my mom’s work. At least I know Kenzie, even though she’s mean. I’d rather hang out with someone I'm familiar with than hang out with a stranger, no matter how mean they are to me. It’s probably not a great mentality to have, but oh well. At least I have something to do this afternoon. If I didn’t have a friendship with Kenzie, I’d just be sitting inside trying to figure out what to do with my boredom. Kenzie makes me do everything for her when we hang out: fill up her water, fix her bed, turn the tv on, change the channel, the list goes on. And as if that wasn’t enough, we have to do everything SHE wants when I hang out with her. Even if I don’t want to, she always forces me. Kenzie never listens to anything I have to say either; she’s always right even if there’s clear evidence I’m right. I also never get to talk about my worries with her because she’ll always change the subject, and make the conversation all about herself. It’s really frustrating sometimes. I’ve always said I don’t want to be friends with her anymore, and she won’t let me not hang out with her anymore! It’s ridiculous. Kenzie doesn’t seem to understand me at all because we have nothing in common. It’s possible she just needs friends who think like her and like the same things. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person whens he actually likes who she’s hanging out with. I don’t like her, and she doesn’t like me either, so I guess it’s even. Although I don’t like her, I’d rather be hanging out with her than be lonely. I’m stuck! I’m bad at making friends, and the one I have sucks.

Weekly 2: 1476 words

part 1 - three word stories (504 words)

Oh, the things long forgotten haunt me as I traipse through lands I once knew, the sorrow overwhelming me as I reminisce on the past. The once-beautiful things now are no longer.

The clouds were dark and full to bursting today, almost as if they could sense the mood of the person down below.

She sat alone on a rock, head in her hands, as if she was remembering something that caused her great pain. The land before her stretched out like an ink stain, blackened trees standing like skeletons and ash fluttering across the dead landscape.

This place was once a great forest where a thriving village had stood proudly, a place of smiles and laughter that was now nothing more than a memory.

The clouds saw that the girl on the ground was crying now, and, as she raised her head to the heavens with a haunted expression, the clouds realized something else.

Even with tears streaking down her face, the girl was beautiful; almost too beautiful: her dark skin seemed to glow, her beautiful eyes shimmered like smooth pools of melted chocolate, and her shiny, long, gorgeously black hair blew in an breeze that no one else could feel.

This woman was an immortal.

She stood up now, body shaking with silent sobs as she walked around the ruined village, searching for any sign of life.

“How could this have happened?”

The woman seemed to be addressing the sky, begging them for an answer.

“They told me that making me immortal would have a price, but they didn’t say it would be my entire village!”

She sobbed harder, and the clouds watched as she broke down on the ashen floor. They could do nothing but watch, for, unfortunately, the only thing clouds were good for was remembering.

Now, they did: Years and years ago, when they had crossed over this land, they had noticed a young girl with eyes of chocolate (not quite so bright) and raven-dark hair (not quite as shiny), sitting on this very same rock as she watched vendors hawking magical exotic fruits and gorgeous clothing as others sold magic creams and songs that revealed one’s true love.

The girl’s expression wasn’t happy, through, it was filled with a sense of desperate longing, as if she was searching for something she couldn’t find.

“How could I become immortal…” the girl whispered to herself, heart-shaped lips forming the invisible words. “How do I live forever?”

Of course, the clouds knew that magic always had a price, and whatever this girl had done, it caused her entire village to go up in flames.

So was the nature of dreaming, the clouds thought. It never turned out well.

So, as the woman stood in the desolation of her former home and cried tears of everlasting sorrow, the clouds moved on, for they could do nothing else.

They had once been different. Once, the clouds had been young boys and girls with eyes like starlight who had dared to dream of flying. But they knew now that dreams and wishes never turned out the way they were supposed to, and, by the end of it all, the only thing left would be the memories.

part 2 - bestselling bookstore

my blurb: in a city that thrives on mistakes and despair, a young mule scavenger named elizabeth finds comfort in her dolls. they are the only friends she has in the cruel streets of azildam, where her only way to survive as a penniless orphan is to work in textile factories, sneaking under running machinery to clean up dust and stray thread. but, one day, her miserable life in the factory is forever changed when a enigmatic man with a bird made of clockwork notices her little dolls (small things she made from fabric scraps and bits of fluff) and spirits her away to his magical toy shop in the far reaches of the city. but when the toys in the man’s shop begin to break and go missing, elizabeth must save the place that has become her home before it’s too late. (141 words)

my story: (416 words)

based on: Liza is cursed. She's unable to see her reflection, but it's not much of a curse to her. Instead of her reflection, she sees dead people who have had the curse before her. Typically insignificant figures, but every once in a while she'll see someone important. One day, she checks on the mirror to see what visitor she gets. She doesn't recognize the person, but they claim that they know something important they need to tell her. They disappear before they tell her, but Liza goes on a hunt to find out who they were.

Liza yawns, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she pulls back her covers and gets out of bed, opening the curtains of her room’s floor-to-ceiling windows to let buttery sunlight warm her face.

She quickly puts on some clothes and gets ready for work (Liza works in an enchanted flower shop, bewitching flowers to have brighter colors and grow all the way to the heavens, filling a house with their gorgeous scent), but, before she steps out the door, she looks in the small, narrow mirror adorning her wall, not surprised when she sees a tall man reflecting back at her.

You see, dear reader, our lovely hero Liza is cursed, cursed to never see her own reflection when she looks in a mirror. Instead, she’ll see the faces of those before her who were infected with her very same curse, and, when the time comes, she’ll be just another dead reflection in another’s mirror.

But Liza actually enjoys the curse sometimes - she finds it interesting to connect with so many people from different time periods. Just the other day, in fact, she found herself staring at an Ancient Greek thespian! She often finds herself intrigued by the figures in the mirror, and today was no exception.

Liza stares back at the man in the mirror, memorizing his face. He has dark skin the color of chocolate and warm brown eyes edged with gold, with a tattoo of the night sky adorning his neck, bringing to mind wishes and forbidden dreams. Liza had never seen this man before, but she finds that she’d like to see his golden-brown eyes again as he stares at her intensely.

“You don’t know me, Liza, but I implore you: please listen to what I have to say.”

His deep, sonorous voice is smooth as melted butter, and she can almost feel the smoky, mysterious sound caressing her cheek.

“I have something to tell you, something that will change your world forever. Listen carefully, Liza, because you are in danger -“

The man’s voice cuts out as the mirror starts to shake. He frowns, panicked, and mouths something Liza can’t understand as the mirror eventually shatters, glass shards raining down as Liza jumps backwards.

She frowns, mind racing, until eventually she calms down, questions filling her head.

Who was that man, why did the mirror shatter like that, and what did he want to tell her?

All Liza knows is that she’s going to find out, whatever it takes.

Part 3: ekphrastic poem (160 words)

what I did: sit on the windowsill and stare out the window, looking at the backyard

grass, green likes spikes of emerald, reaching up in blades that stretch towards the sun in magnificent shades of sage and olive

flowers, white and creamy as an empty page begging to be filled with a story, shot through with a shade of pink so bright it seemed to sparkle; its yellow center filled with pollen that sprinkles a dust of egg-yolk yellow onto the ground below

bees, flitting from flower to flower, translucent wings floating lazily as they enjoy the feast before them

hummingbirds, drinking from the feeder, filled magnificent shades of red, green and pink adorning their feathered bodies as they flies, wings beating faster than the eye can see

trees, reaching into the heavens, brilliant leaves dewy in the midmorning sunshine, branches extending out like comforting fingers, beckoning me closer until i’m wrapped in its wooden embrace

my backyard, gorgeous in the summer, reminding me how lucky i am to call such a beautiful place my home

part 4 - google translate (415 words)

piece chosen: ekphrastic poem

result: Green herbs, like emerald thistle, grow through the leaves and display the beautiful flowers of willows and olive trees in the sun.

The white and red flowers are like the last details of the coat, drawn in both yellow and red; Half of green plants transport sediment to the soil.

Bees fly from flower to flower, their bright wings feeding the larvae.

After feeding on the bait, the bats spread their wings with beautiful green and red feathers faster than expected.

A large tree hangs in the air, its leaves glistening in the afternoon dew, its branches spreading like slender fingers, enveloping me in tree rings.

My beautiful veranda reminds me of how lucky I am to have a beautiful home.

The herb garden sprouts like emerald weeds in the summertime, mint and basil and oregano growing tall and bright in the summer sunlight.

Alix had always loved the herb garden. Sometimes, she even picked a leaf off of a mint plant and sat under the shade of the willow tree that grew tall and wide around the garden gates, pressing the mint leaf to her tongue as she closed her eyes lazily and let the sunlight warm her face.

But the vegetable garden was Alix’s favorite. The rows upon rows of brightly-colored fruits and vegetables called to her like they were glittering pieces of treasure, their blossoms priceless and gorgeous in the hands of someone like Alix.

Alix knew how to cook. She knew how to turn a simple ingredient into a delicious dish, and being able to open her own restaurant was her biggest dream. That was why she walked among the plants every day, breathing in the scents of the herbs and the crisp summer air, wishing and hoping that someday, her dream would come true.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

The doctors told her that she had cancer when she was twenty-one, and she passed away two and a half years later after a long, hard, painful battle. Now, her younger sister Harrow takes care of the herb garden, although she’ll be the first to admit to you that it doesn’t grow quite as well as it did when Alix was around.

But Harrow still tries her hardest to make the garden flourish, planting flowers upon flowers upon flowers for her dearest sister’s memory, hoping that the white-and-red blossoms will outlive the sadness that threatens to swallow her everyday.

The bees seem to like the garden, at least. Sometimes, magnificent parrots and birds with plumage of red and green fly above the garden, perching on a tree. Once, Harrow even saw a group of bats screeching overhead.

Now that her sister is gone, Harrow spends most of her time in the shade of the willow tree, branches extending like upside-down roots as the wispy, dew-studded leaves envelop her in a cocoon of wood and green.

The colors, animals, and pure joy of the gardens reminds Harrow how lucky she was, to have had such a beautiful angel fly down from the heavens to grace her with a smile. The gardens make Harrow feel as if her sister is there with her, and that, Harrow feels, is the most wonderful thing in the world.

First of all, I would like to say that this is an incredible piece of writing, and I was seriously struggling to think of critiques to make!! The world this story is set in as well as the premise is so cool and intricate, and I absolutely loved the world-building you’ve done! The dynamic between the main character and Horne was also great - I thought their conversation before/during the fight was really interesting and engaging, and even in this little excerpt of your series, I feel like I really got to know the characters and how they act.
One critique I’d like to make on the other characters (like Ashford and Emric) is that I wasn’t quite sure where they were coming from, and they seemed a little bit like ‘filler’ to me. Obviously this is just an excerpt, so I don’t have all of the context of the story, and that’s why I wasn’t 100% sure where they were, how many people were there and things like that (just little details that enhance the piece a bit more). I think if the characters had been more fleshed out and described earlier in the scene, we would’ve felt more sympathy towards them when they died. For example, you could’ve shown Ashford interacting with Emric towards the start, and that could’ve made it even more surprising and upsetting for Emric when Ashford is killed.
Another thing that you could add is more paragraphs and line breaks. This was really effective on the last page of this excerpt (which was definitely one of my favourite pages!) where the line breaks really showed your character’s thought process and disjointed thoughts. I think it would be great to use this throughout the entire piece - paragraph breaks could be used in the more dramatic sections to keep the reader on the edge of their seat. Also, remember to start a new line when you use dialogue from a character other than the original speaker is used
I just want to finish off by saying I think this story concept is so interesting and I would love to read more if you post the next part in the series! I love your writing style and you are seriously talented - your descriptions of emotions and action were so great!! Thank you so much for sharing this and letting me critique it <3

Tilly's SWC July 2024 Writing Shelf :))

(extremely late) thank you notes (that I can only add one note to so far, there's over 10 more or something, let me cook-)

Blau
(giving you yours now so you get it before you leave :'D)

Ahh, Blau–where do I start– I'm so glad I met you in the last swc session and that we were in the same cabin for this one! (SCRIPT LEGACY, LET'S GOOO!!) Your comments made me smile, and this session you worked so hard with the word adding and everything you did. You were an amazing leader and I couldn't be more proud to have been in your cabin <33 Also, you did a beautiful job with the lines for my brother's series, thank you for stepping up to help!! Your answers to my questions regarding my book helped so much as well, so thank you again for that! AHH, ALSO, THE PFP CREATOR WAS SO COOL! I actually made one, I just couldn't use it, but it lives in my swc july 24 doc hehehe, it's so pretty, your art is so good!!
Thank you for being such a warm, bright presence in swc, and bringing a smile to my face with your comments, I'll never forget you <333

—–

(word war with: surfdudewave) 7 mins
prompt: “Dear diary; today, I finally figured it out.

Dear diary,
Today, I finally figured it out…LUCY WAS THE ONE WHO ATE MY MANGOES, ARGH-
ANYWAY, about today:
it was the best day of my life!! First, school as usual, but it wasn’t as hard as most days, I actually got a lot done, and Maths was surprisingly easy. I even got singled out in class because my chameleons essay was so good, so that was great! And lunch was delicious.
But AFTER school, we went to the shops, where I saw this AMAZING bike that I begged to be able to buy, AND MY MUM ACTUALLY BOUGHT IT FOR ME! That was the best part, definitely. I even got to ride it home!
It’s so pretty, it has a beautiful pastel blue with white accents, and a nice basket on the front.
Anyway, then we went home to prepare to go to the football match that was happening in a few hours! We were actually going to the stadium they were playing in, and of course, we were rooting for England!
It took a while, but we set off at around seven thirty, since the match was at eight.
We got to get ice cream, and then went in, and there was so many people! We got the best seat (in my opinion), where there was a perfect view of everything, and I got my phone out to film any goals, and took some selfies with Lucy too! (That was before I found out she ate my mangoes- argh)
Then the game started, and it was very stressful until England finally started scoring, and everyone around us, including us, were so excited and hopeful, until the opposing team (Germany) started scoring again!! I was super worried at that point.
BUT THEN ANOTHER WONDER GOAL WAS SCORED (at the last minute again…come on, England!) and ENGLAND WON!! D
My nails are bitten down to the quick now, though *sigh*, but it was so fun otherwise, especially since they won!
Anyway, after that we finally went home, and since it wasn’t that late, my parents said we could watch a movie!
So I popped some popcorn (Lucy and I made caramel popcorn), and then they found a movie, and we got to watch

375 words

—–

writing for an extra challenge

I took a deep breath as I trudged up the last incline, and an uncontainable smile ebbed across my face as I took in the splendour of the view in front of me. Rocky outcroppings reached over the raging waters of crystal clear brooks, and rolling, emerald hills spread out before me in between flower filled groves. Breathing heavily, I made the last stretch to a tall, sprawling apple tree with a rock placed conveniently beneath it, and sat down to relieve my aching feet. I shrugged off my backpack and pulled out my flask of water, taking a sip as I enjoyed the view around me. As I replaced my water, I saw the smooshed forms of a peach and an apple I had packed but clearly forgotten about. I sighed and zipped up my back, but as I looked up, I couldn't help the little laugh that escaped. There was food right here.
I jumped up and climbed onto the rock I was sitting on to pick a perfect, smooth red apple off the tree above me. I rubbed it against my shirt as I leapt off the rock, then resumed sitting down as I began to eat. I smiled at the burst of sweetness in my mouth from the first bite of the crunchy apple.

218 words

—–

july 24th daily - swc alternate acronyms
acronym: sad white Christmas (WestEndLover15)

“Freya, Freya!”
I closed my book and sat up as Cassie bounded into the room and raced straight to the window.
“What is it?” I forced myself to stand as my sister threw the curtains wide open.
“Come, come look!” She hurried over to me and tugged at my arm. “It’s snowing!”
I let my book drop onto my seat and followed her, a warmth filling my heart. “Really?”
Cassie grinned up at me, before climbing onto the window seat and pressing her face to the window. “Yes—isn’t it beautiful?”
I knelt beside her and stared out in awe. Roofs, trees and pavements were whitewashed with pearly blankets of snow, and flakes sparkled as they descended softly from the husky grey skies. The snowfall spread as far as my eyes could reach, and in the near distance I could just make out the silhouettes of children throwing snowballs at each other and into the air. I reached up and opened the window to feel the chilly breeze wash over my skin and fill my lungs with the pristine, clear scent.
“Yes,” I murmured, continuing to stare. “It is beautiful.”
“We’re going to have a white Christmas!” Cassie leapt off the window seat and grabbed my arm again. “Freya, c’mon, let’s ask Mrs Alcott if we can play outside.”
I slowly nodded, still trying to take in the splendour before me. “Alright, let’s find her.”
Mrs Alcott readily agreed to let us go, after instructing us to wrap up warm and come back inside before supper, so before long we were pulling on gloves and wrapping scarves around our necks. Cassie couldn’t contain her excitement and constantly urged me to hurry as I tied my bootlaces.
“While you’re waiting for me, you can ask Tyler if he wants to come,” I suggested, and breathed a sigh of relief when she agreed and raced off to find him.
“Where are you lot going?”
I glanced up to see Grayson at the doorway, arms crossed and observing us with an eyebrow raised.
“To play in the snow!” Cassie explained as she slid past him and hurried up the stairs.
I shrugged in Cassie’s direction. “What she said. Want to come too? Cassie will probably want to build a snowman, so we might need an extra hand.”
Grayson shrugged and walked over to grab his coat. “Alright, why not.”
Cassie came back with Tyler in tow, but then, seeing I was ready, began to pull me to the door. “C’mon! The others will catch up.”
“Alright, alright,” I laughed as we passed through the doorway and out into the untouched winter wonderland of the backyard.
Cassie giggled and raced out into the snow as I spun around slowly to take in our surroundings. I turned back to see Cassie making a snow angel. I smiled and proceeded to lie down in the piercing cold snow to make an angel myself, then we stood up and laughed as we observed our creations.
“Ready to make a snowman?” Grayson called as he and Tyler came outside.
I grinned. “Yep! You ready, Cassie?”
I glanced at her and tilted my head as I noticed a mournful look on her face as she watched the snow fall. “Cassie?”
“I wonder if it’s snowing back home,” she murmured, sniffing and looking up at me with glistening eyes. “I miss home…and father and mother. Do you think it’s snowing for them?”
I shrugged, trying to ignore the ache in my heart. “It could be.”
“If it snowed really hard where father is, do you think it would stop the fight, and he would get a break?” Cassie seemed hopeful at this idea, so I forced a smile to encourage her.
“Hm, maybe.”
“Or the enemy would fight harder and catch them off guard,” Tyler muttered as he kicked the snow beneath his feet.
Cassie’s face fell and she looked as if tears would come. I glanced at Grayson for help, and he glared at Tyler.
“Do try being a bit more positive for once, Ty.”
Tyler stuck his hands in his pockets. “How can I, when—”
He let out a muffled yelp as a ball of snow hit him square in the face, and Cassie’s tears of sorrow turned into cries of laughter. Grayson smirked, dusting the snow off his hands and pretending he didn’t do anything when Tyler recovered.
“Oi, Gray!”
Grayson dodged a subsequent counterattack, and before long we all started making snowballs and launching them at each other, laughing and screaming into the silence.

759 words

—–

weekly 4

IMPORTANT NOTE: I used some of the prompts in this weekly to write my book, and because I didn't want everyone to read the parts from my book, @PolarBear_17 and the daily team agreed to let me send proof for those parts to one dt member or host (thread for confirmation: https://scratch-mit-edu.ezproxy.canberra.edu.au/users/Polarbear_17/#comments-339154553 ), so I have sent those parts to that person

BEGINNING: write 100 words to begin your adventure
113 words, proof sent to dt member


WRITING PROMPT 1: include multimedia—a letter, diary entry, newspaper article, etc.

Dearest family,
I am writing to you from our camps on the shores of Dunkirk. The war is fierce, leaving little respite, and I’ve only just found time to respond to all your sweet letters from the past month. Please know that I have read them all, and each one of them brings solace and motivation no matter how things are going.
I am happy to hear that Freya, Ty and Penny are safe with Mrs Alcott. Grayson is doing well, and reads your letters too. He’s a little too close to this fight than I would like, but I keep an eye on him as best as I can. I do wish he hadn’t run off and you lot had kept him safe and taken him with you to Devon, but that can’t be helped now. Don’t worry, Freya, it isn’t your fault. You tried your best!
Alyssa, dear, please be careful. Arleth isn’t completely safe from raids yet. Do follow our children to Devon as soon as you can.
Penny, I love you. Thank you for the little flowers you sent me; I keep them in my uniform pocket all the time. I’ve sent you some flowers with this letter, too—have fun finding out their meaning!
Tyler, don’t give Mrs Alcott too hard a time, and take care of your sisters and your mother as the man of the family while Grayson and I are away.
I am being called now, so I must be off. Take care of each other! I love you all dearly.
Sincerely yours,
Theodore Kirkwood.

263 words


WRITING PROMPT 2: write a scene with primarily dialogue—little mention of environment and character actions
200 words, , proof sent to dt member


WRITING PROMPT 3: increase the pace of your story—something happens all of a sudden
307 words, , proof sent to dt member


WRITING PROMPT 4: write a flashforward

Reese sat up with a gasp, beads of sweat trickling down her forehead as her heart pounded relentlessly. She stared around her with wild eyes, her fight or flight instinct kicking in, until she realised the dark, impenetrable walls and impeding grief were absent.
She breathed in deep draughts of the chilly forest air, trying to slow her breathing as she grabbed the hem of her cloak to wipe the sweat off her face, wishing she could wipe away the memory of that dream—but the horrifying images still clung to her mind, filling her with a deep dread.
Her attempt to calm herself being unsuccessful, she stood up and shook her hands out, pacing up and down and trying to relax.
“Come on…look around you,” she whispered, rubbing her eyes and glancing around her at the sleeping forms of her comrades. “They’re all still here—it was just a dream.”
Wasn’t it?
“Reese?”
She gasped as she spun round, then sighed and closed her eyes.
“Hm, a bit jumpy, aren’t we?” Marlow quipped, sitting up. “Are you all right?”
Reese tried to smile. “Yes, of course, I…”
A flash of her companions—Marlow, Dawn, Zuleika—falling, and her sword arm rendered useless as she stared, frozen, into the dark, menacing eyes of Pierre made her forced smile disappear.
Her breath caught in her throat, and she turned away, desperate to clear that agonising picture from her mind.
Marlow stood. “Reese…”
His hand was on her shoulder. She appreciated it, but didn’t glance back—she was never like this, and he didn’t need to see her this way.
“What is it?” He whispered.
Reese bit her lip and stared at the floor, blinking tears away with irritated embarrassment. “It’s…Pierre’s castle.”
His silence told her that he was confused. She forced herself to look up at him.
“We can’t go there- we have to call it off.”
He watched her, eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “…Why?”
Reese shook her head. “I- I had this…dream, and I just—”
Marlow smiled. “Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream?”
Reese glared up at him, and he held up his hands. “That’s what you always said to me—that it was just my fears projecting into my dreams.”
“I’m not scared of going to that castle,” she retorted, then hesitated. “…Or, I- I wasn’t.”
She turned her back to him again and hugged her cloak closer to her body. “I knew the danger of storming Pierre’s castle, but I wasn’t scared—until that dream.”
Marlow’s smile faded. “So…you’re saying that whatever you dreamt is what will happen if we go through with this plan we’ve been working on for countless days, and that we should- call it off…?”
Reese grimaced. The way he was putting it made her sound irrational, but…
She couldn’t watch them d!e.
“…Yes.” she whispered.
Fully expecting disapproval, she glanced back at Marlow, and was surprised to see him give a nod.
“All right. Let’s wake the camp, then.”

504 words


NON-WRITING PROMPT 1: play Google Dino

Score I got: 645- THOSE PTERODACTYLS TRIPPED ME UP-


WRITING PROMPT 5: incorporate the environment/nature into your story somehow

“I want to go home,” Cassie whispered, burying her face into my coat and whimpering softly.
I bit my lip and stared out at all the other people around us, trying to make out their faces in the dimly lit shelter. I took a deep breath and hugged Cassie.
“Don't worry, Cassie- we'll get back home soon. They'll sound the alarm, and the raid will be over before you know it.”
She looked up at me with teary eyes as I stroked her hair. “My ears are still ringing.”
“It's okay… we'll be fine.” I said this more to myself than her. My heart was still racing, and my ears were ringing as well, though I didn't admit it.
It was all my fault. I shouldn't have let Cassie convince me to take her out. I knew it was dangerous, and we almost got hit.
I felt foolish.
I squeezed my eyes shut to force the tears away, trying to stay composed for Cassie's sake.
Cassie tapped my arm and I opened my eyes. She had something scrunched in her hand and was handing it to me.
“I had these in my pocket,” she whispered.
A slight smile came as I looked into her open palm.
It was some flowers from father's letters.
I picked up the bunch from her hand and looked at them silently.
“Can you remind me what they mean?” Cassie asked, snuggling up to me again.
Taking a deep breath, I spread the flowers out in my hand and nodded. “Alright…” I picked up a small, slightly withered dahlia from the pile. “This one means ‘yours till the end’. It's my favourite one, honestly.”
Cassie smiled a little, wiping her tears. “I like that. What about this one?”
She pointed to an everlasting pea.
“Ah, that one…it means remembrance. Father wants us to know he’s always thinking about us and never forgets.”
I picked up a snowdrop, glad that the flowers were taking Cassie's mind off the raids. “Now you tell me- what does this one mean?”
“Hope!” Cassie took it from my hand. “This ones MY favourite. Father sent this one to remind us that we should have hope…”
“Yes,” I smiled to encourage her, hugging her close. “We'll all be together again soon… perhaps sooner than you think.”

385 words


NON-WRITING PROMPT 2: play NYT Connections

I only got two out of the four :’D It was my first time playing actually- (Jul 26th’s puzzle)


WRITING PROMPT 6: change the setting of your story—location, or time, etc.

The train whistle blared in our ears as it slowed to a stop, and the platform promptly became noisy with goodbyes and the cries of young children.
Mother turned to us with a smile. “All right, there’s your train.”
A lump formed in my throat as she handed Tyler and Cassie their luggage. Cassie started tearing up, and Mother knelt down in front of her to look her in the eye.
“Don’t worry, Cassie—this is only for a short time. I’ll be following you all to Devon soon.”
“Will you be alright?” Cassie whispered with a sniff. “What if…”
Mother stood up and hugged her. “Yes…I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
She went to Tyler and whispered something in his ear that made him smile slightly.
I glanced around me as they talked, but quickly turned back again, gluing my eyes to the floor. Seeing all the other children saying goodbye to their families and everything that was dear to them made me struggle to hold in tears of my own.
“And look after your sisters,” I heard Mother say as she gave Tyler a quick hug.
The train was about to leave, so Mother quickly set the others up before facing me. By now my eyes were smarting, but I was determined not to break down.
“Freya,” she smiled sadly, taking the suitcase from my hand and setting it on the floor before embracing me. “Be strong for me, okay? Look out for your siblings.”
I nodded, failing to stop a tear from falling, but I quickly dashed it away as Mother released me.
“I will,” I whispered, trying to smile.
She handed my suitcase back and gave my shoulder a squeeze as the last call came for passengers to board.
“Go on, quickly—you don’t want to get left behind.”
It was almost exactly what I wanted, but I forced myself to take Tyler and Cassie’s hands and lead them into the train.
Once we got inside and the train was about to leave, we all stuck our heads out of the window by our seat. We caught sight of Mother and waved and called as the train began to pull out of the station.
“Bye!” Mother waved back, that encouraging smile never leaving her face. “I love you.”

384 words


NON-WRITING PROMPT 3: make a nutritious snack (try to make it banana themed)

I made a mango smoothie with banana as the second main ingredient if that counts
(‘3 frozen mangoes, 1 banana and enough orange juice to blend’ is the recipe)


NON-WRITING PROMPT 4: bake a sweet treat

Our oven hasn’t been working for a long while, so I can’t BAKE anything, but I made a sweet treat: it’s an African snack called puff puff, which is also known as African doughnut I shared them with my family.


WRITING PROMPT 7: introduce a symbol that represents a larger idea than the literal thing it is
358 words, proof sent to dt member


NON-WRITING PROMPT 5: play any kind of board or video game
I played the pac-man google doodle hehehe ) Score: 15480!! :’D


WRITING PROMPT 8: narrator realises their motives aren’t pure

“This plan is the closest we will get—it shall not be called off,” Sanchez retorted, stepping closer to Reese with each word, eyes shooting daggers as he squared off. “We are too close to drop it and go back. We cannot go back. They would call us failures because one person was a coward and would not let us attack!”
“I am not scared!” Reese shoved him away, incandescent with rage. “If you go there you will all die!”
“Or maybe you just have too little faith, Reese,” Sanchez felt an urge to shove her back, but refrained and turned to his companions instead.
Dawn and Alaric met his gaze, but Marlow was looking at Reese, brows furrowed. Sanchez nodded to them.
“Let us prepare the army—we shall attack tonight.”
Marlow and Reese stood unmoved, but the rest of them began to inform the camp and prepare. Despite the danger, Sanchez felt a rising excitement within him, and could already feel the adrenaline coursing inside him as the hour drew near. This was a chance to prove that their order of knights could reach victory, and he could be the one to lead them.
As the camp saddled their horses and geared up, Sanchez, being ready, was walking around and checking on each of the knights in turn. He saw Marlow standing in front of Reese, who was sitting on a fallen log beneath him. Her eyes were red, and Sanchez felt an odd feeling at her distressed expression. She caught his gaze and instantly stood and turned away, and as Marlow looked round for the reason of her reaction, Sanchez spun about and continued his task. He almost felt sorry, and for a moment his thoughts turned to the possibility of Reese’s harrowing words being true, but he quickly stuffed those feelings away, shaking his head.
‘Come on…it is just her fear talking. We’ve got this.’

—

“Sanchez, we cannot surmount them—our knights are falling. We need to retreat!”
Sanchez quickly ended the duel with his opponent, then stared around them. Alaric was right.
Eerie moonlight flooded the battle-stained courtyard, dimly illuminating the fierce fights raging on around them. They were outnumbered, and losing companions with each passing moment.
It had all gone terribly wrong.
“I’m calling it off,” Alaric fought his way past multiple adversaries, beginning to shout. “Fall back! Retreat!”
Sanchez let Alaric continue to call, objections refusing to leave his mouth. What could he say?
He found the strength to talk, and began fighting through the knights, following Alaric’s lead. “Retreat!”
Fights started slowing as their army began to fall back, and Sanchez worked to save as many as he could.
He found Reese in a fight, quickly surmounted her opponent, and grabbed her arm. “Reese, get out of here.”
She shook her head. “Marlow—”
“I’ll find him, just go!”
Reese hesitated for only a moment, before relenting and following the rest. Sanchez looked up as she ran off, and his heart stopped.
Archers were up on the balustrades surrounding the courtyard, and Pierre was with them, raising his hand to signal. Sanchez glanced towards the gatehouse, where his comrades were still escaping to, and sped in their direction.
“Get down!”
He heard the whizz of arrows and ducked as they shot past his head, but the fire ceased and he heard a commotion that made him turn.
One of their own was up there single-handedly taking on Pierre and the archers to give them time to retreat. It was Marlow.
Sanchez felt an urge to help him, but focused instead on saving the rest of his team. “Get out—fall back!”
“Marlow!”
Sanchez spun round at Reese’s scream. Marlow had fallen to his knees, wounded, but didn’t stop fighting.
Sanchez drew his sword, but someone pulled him back as a few knights ran first.
“Get everyone out of here, Sanchez,” Zai ordered as he followed his group to Marlow’s aid.
Sanchez forced himself to obey, mounting his horse and hurrying towards the exit. Reese was dismounting, but Sanchez caught her.
“Reese, fall back! Zai is helping him. We have to leave.”
Reese glared at him, but threw her leg back over the saddle. Sanchez turned back for one last moment, feeling a pang in his chest at having to leave some knights behind, but he took a deep breath and made himself lead everyone away from the pursuing soldiers.


Early dawn softly illuminated the silent figures of the returning party, contrasting their heavy hearts with its cheerful brightness. Alaric was leading at the head, and Sanchez was at the end, but Reese was further behind him. He knew he should be behind her as well, but every time he looked back she refused to meet his eyes, and if he slowed down to fall in step she went slower.
At last they stopped at the keep where the journey started, stark opposites of the anticipatory order they had been when they left these walls. The knights they had left behind were there to meet them, Zuleika standing among them.
Her smile faded as she caught Sanchez’s gaze and their despondent expressions as they dismounted.
She hurried up to Alaric and Sanchez, eyes searching them. “What happened?”
Words stuck in his throat, and Sanchez couldn’t form a reply.
“Ask Sanchez.”
The voice was quiet but dripping with venom. They turned back.
“He’ll tell you,” Reese continued, walking towards them, knuckles pale as she clenched her sword-hilt. “He orchestrated the whole thing, after all.”
Sanchez wanted to apologise, but fire was rising inside him instead at her accusatory tone. “It wasn’t my fault, Reese—”
“Yes it was,” she retorted, eyes sparking. “You didn’t listen to me—you were too busy glory chasing and—”
“Come on, Reese, it was just a dream,” Sanchez interrupted with a glare, volume rising.
“It was not just a dream!” Reese shouted, ignoring Zuleika as she tried to step between them and calm her down. “I never just dream stuff like that, and I was not afraid until it happened! You trying to ‘prove yourself’ nearly k!lled us all!”
“What you are accusing me of is ridiculous—glory chasing? And if it is my fault, then it is just as much your fault as mine!”
“You’re blaming me for this??”
“You could’ve stopped us from going!”
“Well, isn’t that just like a child- open your eyes! Half our order have perished, Marlow, Zai and the rest are probably de4d by now, and you cannot even admit that you made a mistake!”
She stood within inches of him, and he was locked in her furious stare, realising there wasn’t anything he could say.
Through the silence they all heard the unmistakable clink of chainmail and the footsteps of men and horses. Reese broke from the fury of their exchange to find the source of the noise, and everyone’s eyes drifted to the vague direction as their hands fell to their sword-hilts.
The sound came closer, and just as Sanchez was ready to call for an attack, they heard the soft trill of a familiar horn.
They were back.
For a moment, everyone’s hearts leapt with the hope that Zai and his group had survived. But as the party came through the shroud of mist, Sanchez’s heart sank.
Azalea was leading them, and they were much fewer than the original amount that had charged to rescue Marlow. Reese clamped her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob—a knight beside Azalea had the limp form of Marlow on his saddle.
She ran towards them while they stopped and dismounted, standing frozen as she watched them carry Marlow to the ground. Sanchez’s heart shattered when he realised Zai was absent, and guilt ravaged his soul as he watched Reese kneel beside her best friend and break down.
Azalea came to him, eyes red, and he slowly shook his head. “What happened?”
Her eyes narrowed, and she seemed to be struggling to hold back tears. “We lost Zai…and others. Marlow still breathes, but we need to get him help.”
She beckoned to some of the knights from the keep, and they followed her back to Marlow’s side, as Reese’s words replayed in Sanchez’s head.
As much as it hurt, she was right.

1,385 words asdgjgklfh-
this got so much longer than I intended-


END: write 100 words to conclude
310 words, proof sent to dt member

total words: 4,209 words
Tilly's submit code: | order of cabins visited: 8, 11, 13, 10, 4, 12, 7, 5, 1, 3, 9, 6, 2 | prompts chosen: 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1 | we love the POLAR BEARS <3
certificate: https://scratch-mit-edu.ezproxy.canberra.edu.au/projects/720884239/ (in ‘SWC proof’ sprite, second costume)

WEEKLY 2, JULY 2024
PART 1
“I reminisce of/the time when/we both had/everything we wanted./it's not like/much has changed/but now I/sit alone, the/clock ticking and/me sighing, feeling/as if I/am hollow. Lost.”

It is quiet, the type of quiet that is thick with emotion, the type of quiet that suffocates me, the type of quiet that feels lonely.
Only the ticking of the clock fills the silence.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I have been staring at the wall for more than half an hour, thinking about those times we spent together, my lunch left forgotten on the dinner table.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
My eyes have dried up since forever; I couldn't even squeeze out anymore even if I wanted to.
I close my eyes, and my heart – oh, it hurts so much – the feeling is inexplicable as if it is pushed into the pits of my stomach and set on a blazing fire and I can't and I can't and I can't bear it—
The ticking of the clock fades into the background, only the sound of my pounding heart heard amidst the chaos.
I take in a deep shuddering breath.
The ticking comes back.
I grab the table to push myself up. My hand lands on a piece of paper, making a rustling sound that startles me.
I smooth it out. There are words written in a familiar handwriting that almost made me stumble.
Her handwriting.
And it says:
Did you know that after death, the brain lives on for 7 minutes to replay its best memories.
You are my 7 minutes. I know I'm yours too.
I love you.
How had I not noticed this note sooner?
Something tumbles onto the plaster floor.
It is a bottle of sleeping pills.
My breath catches in my throat. I remember what she said to me a few days before her .
“I've always loved the idea of a lovers’ .”
I laughed uneasily. “You're too young to be thinking of these things.”
She didn't answer.
Inside the bottle is a slip of paper.
Only when you're ready.


PART 2
50-word blurb (i read that as 100
Imagine a world 1000 years in the future. Unknown creatures roam the Earth, both from outer space and lab-created. Meanwhile, Calypso's sister– Lexie has been brutally . Calypso is overcome with grief, unable to be productive. Soon, her parents take in her cousin– Keyara, whose parents had voluntarily left her at Calypso's mom's doorstep. Keyara cannot bear to see her cousin suddenly become taciturn, hiding in the bedroom. The psychiatrist has diagnosed her with DPDR. She works together with her perfectionist friend– Jingyun. Together, they help each other overcome their fears and slowly uncover the rotten truth, while Calypso uncovers memories that were hidden – but by who?
(107 words)

22 year old psychology student Kiara Moore is experimenting on how age affects the processing of trauma. For her experiment, she must select a target between 16 and 25 years old and personally arrange a trauma every ten years. 19 year old Anya Brooks just lost her left arm in a car accident. Helping her through therapy is her new best friend, Kiara Moore.

Kiara Moore heaved a great groan that resonated in her chest. She stood up and stretched her arms, twisting side to side, hearing the satisfying crackling of bones. Her bedroom was dark, illuminated only by the sickly green light that came from her digital clock which read 4am and the glaring glow of her computer screen. Her bed was unmade, dirty clothes and socks thrown carelessly onto the plaster floor.
“Anya Brooks, just turned 19 this year… hahahahaha… I wonder what results you will present to me!” Kiara chuckled before taking a big gulp from her energy drink.
Not long after, her phone rang, startling her from her drunk revere. She grumbled a little before picking it up. “Hello?”
“Miss Moore, what are your orders on the Vulnus Invisum (unseen wound in latin)?
Kiara hummed a bit before answering. “Our target for this decade is Anya Brooks, nineteen, 123 Giggle Ave, Richmond, VA 22548 (also find a better one). Got that? A car accident would be preferable. I surmise that she would want to take a drive around her neighborhood in the morning, since she had passed her driver’s license exam not long ago. Got that? My professor does not accept failure, and so do I.”
“Yes ma’am. Preparations will be made immediately.”
~
Anya Brooks was overcome with happiness. If you want to use a big word for it, you could say she was… ecstatic.
She had passed her driver’s license exam in less than three tries – a family achievement! – her boyfriend recently proposed to her and to top it all off, she was accepted into one of the top universities in her country.
“Bye mom! I’m going to have a little drive around the neighborhood for a while,” she sang before grabbing her keys – that little jingle pleased her ever so – and leaping out of the door.
Without knowing what awaited her as she started the engine.


PART 3
Clouds dance in the sky
Lake reflects the moon’s cool glow
Trees sway in the wind

Autumn air whispers
Leaves crackle beneath moonlight
Night's resonant sigh

Crickets sing soft tunes
Squirrels dart through moonlit paths
While I walk with her

I caress her cheek
And hold her cold hands in mine
I want to pause time

Her radiant smile
Eyes glowing with happiness
Her hair like bright stars

Her lips taste so sweet
I wish that I could stop time
Preserve this moment

Nobody can steal
This moment away from me
I will cherish it

Then you disappear
Like you never existed
But I remember

The way you kissed me
The way you would hold my hands
The way you hugged me

I wish you’ll come back
I miss you ever so much
I wish you’ll come back

Now everytime I
Walk on the leaves in autumn
They remind me of

The times you kissed me
The times you would hold my hands
The times you hugged me

Please, please come back


PART 4
natural resources
Bright colors, fun games, fun and games. Pictures can be stored anywhere.
I heard someone breathing in my ear.
- Is it bad? Men and women are different.
I don't know if I'm angry or scared… It's dark in front of me.
I wash my sister's hands and hair.
You are at home
But that's another story.
This was my home a few hours ago. The spirit is gone.
Do you hear the elephant?
The child falls
The problem is that.
Your body trembles, close your eyes.
I don't hear
in the afternoon
Many bodies are lying under the beds, under the stones, under the stones.

Bright oil, coal and natural gas, playing a fun game together. They laugh and invite me along. Am I dreaming? Why does it feel normal at the same time?
I see pictures of my childhood stored in a wall, another hanging from a fan, and one more separated into puzzle pieces, scattered on the floor. I catch more pictures, but they are of a woman I have never seen before, yet strangely enough, looks very much like me.
Then, I hear someone breathing in my ear. It smells terrible. I can’t tell if it is a man or a woman’s, even though the smell of their breath is virtually different.
I am uncertain whether I should feel angry or scared… The pictures I see of a woman that looks like me is probably me– from the future. But they depict negative images. I feel scared, because… It’s dark. It’s terribly dark in front of me.
Then the darkness is separated, like a curtain being opened. I strain my eyes, it is so bright, and I see my sister. Oh dear. Why are her hands coated in ? Her hair too! I feel disappointed. I hope she cleared the body and the well enough.
What is happening? Am I dreaming?
I want to go home. I am at home. Wait, what? I am confused. I think that would be another story to tell. Look, let me show you my home. It was mine until a few hours ago. All because the spirit left us. It left us all. Left me and my family and my house to defend ourselves against the natural resources.
Hey, do you hear the sound of the elephant, screaming in pain? Its wail hurts me, the way it stampedes around the room, makes me cry.
Do you know why?
Do you see?
Do you see its child? It is falling toward the ground. It won’t survive. That is the problem.
You are trembling. Don’t worry. This happens to everyone. Every single second, at least two people die. Sometimes there are people to mourn for them. Sometimes there aren’t. We can’t do much about it. Just close your eyes. Pray for them, maybe?
I can’t hear anything. I don’t hear anything. Are you saying something? Hmm… Let me tell you something. Did you happen to notice the many bodies that my sister killed? Look closely. They are lying under the unmade beds, under the stones, you see, under the stones. She had a vision that they are bound to kill many more. They are future , future , you see. They cannot be changed. So before it’s too late, she kills them. I hope you understand.
You might be next.
She’s here. No, she’s not coming for you, she’s coming for me.

Collaborative story for cabin wars!

Part 1 because apparently other people need to contribute to it to hA—

Word count: 232/700 words written.

ꕀ ϟ ꕀ

This story starts once upon a time, because that's how all the best stories start. It takes place in a land far, far away, because if it took place anywhere near here, it'd be a mess. This is not quite a fairy tale yet, but it just might be. We’ll just have to wait and see how it ends up.

This story is about a shark, who lives in the sea, and bears a great resemblance to the mighty BLÅHAJ from IKEA. The shark has no name as of yet, but it swims fiercely and ferociously as any other, cutting through the waters as a VÖRDA knife cuts through meat and vegetables. It has all the qualities a good shark needs: it is brave and mighty and it enjoys eating whatever fish it finds in the sea.

The shark is content. Almost happy, even. There’s just the tiny problem of it not having a name.

To have a name is to be known, to have a name is to have an identity. And though it didn’t start out that way, the shark has been feeling quite lost ever since it learned about the art of naming and knew that it didn’t have one to call its own.

And so, the shark leaves its little FÄLTLÖNN-shaped house and sets off on a grand journey: to find a name it can call its own.

ꕀ ϟ ꕀ

Notes: If you haven't guessed, BLÅHAJ, VÖRDA and FÄLTLÖNN are all names of IKEA products. The fancy names. I think you can get away with just saying tables and chairs, to be honest ☠️

Name: Ava
Cabin: Sci-Fi
Content: Critique #1
Wordcount: 317
Author: opheliio
Piece name: (none given) July 6th daily

it tasted surprisingly of spring, the revenge i managed. i found in what i managed a newness of life unexpected. is that how others speak of it, too? or do they ponder most terribly on the outcomes of their lives, perhaps they worry on uncut threads, on others they left as they were once allowed to go on and seek in another day their payment for previous wrongdoings. trespasses, as they put in the lord's prayers. i forgive them not, but might all of ours be forgiven by the father.

Alright, we barely started this story and I'm already feeling poetic? For sure my Grammarly extension is currently going crazy right now, though. I noticed that you don't use capitals at the beginning of sentences. It's a little hard to get used to, but I assume this is your style. In my personal taste, I would prefer them to be in capitals! It gives a clear line where a sentence starts and ends, and it can also avoid further confusion if you try to edit your writing piece in the future.

i forgive not, for who is there left to remember if we all forgive?

This line here is very good at impact. If you had connected it with the paragraph above it wouldn't have been such a statement, but because it is in a separate line of its own it gives a deeper meaning to the reader. Great job!

the garden is in spring, too, when i return home. i do not hear the bees, i do not smell the roses and lilies, i do not see the bright array of colors laid before me, i do not feel the sun on my face, i do not smile. but i taste spring, as ever i have since that moment, scarce a week ago now but not faded a twinge. all my other senses dull in comparison.
a crash of fear sounds somewhere within me; is this how it is supposed to feel? am i meant to go on so changed? i listen not, even my own thoughts run without my listening.
so i taste spring, i neither hear nor smell nor see nor feel, not really, no smile rises not greet my mother and sister when, with tears, they beckon me through the door, but the taste remains ever on my tongue. i answer their questions absently, shallowly, distantly.

This part is my personal favorite in the entire story. This entire description just gives me a feeling inside my heart. I've begun to realize this piece is more poetic and artistic rather than following correct punctuation and grammar, so I'll let all the grammar mistakes slide!

a sigh from my mother signals the joy must have appeared, somehow, in my figure. i am sure i did not smile. she knows nonetheless. she is speaking, now, and i must concentrate to understand the rivery words. my mother tongue no longer sings so sweet in my ear.
“—must drink it, i know not how i thought not before, ‘take yarrow in tea to soothe all love’s ills.'”

i speak apology to my mother. twice, for the first time is in a language she does not understand, and that caught thing worries on. my mother will call a healer, if i go on this way. or send ola to search for answers where she, and only she, would find secrets i never want my family sharing.

I don't particularly get these paragraphs. I write in a more humorous and fast-paced style so it is a bit confusing for me to understand. If you spaced it a little or explained it a bit less and easier, it could be better for the reader to understand!

i thought spring was safe. i did not see the creeping thorns.

*Excessive clapping*

I might not read a lot of writing like this but even an amateur like me knows that this is a totally amazing piece! Perhaps there were some parts that I didn't fully grasp, but overall it gave the idea of a person who had changed quite greatly. It told us about a person who had become senseless and dull, and it was SO BEAUTIFUL! I love your writing so much and I look forward to stalking the mega thread and finding more :3

Go back

I’d just like to start off with applause, applause, applause! This piece was really moving (particularly for me who never cries at sad movies). You really did an amazing job of illustrating the unfamiliarity of grief to your character. The five sentences here:

WestEndLover15 wrote:

Still, I had welcomed him to our village with open arms. I’d been foolish, and now both him and I had to pay for it. There were reasons we were never meant to see humans, never even meet their eyes. I thought it was because we were scared of them.
I should’ve known it was humans that should’ve been scared of us.

They not only provide both exposition and intrigue, but they also give us a bit of a deeper dive (however momentary) into the witch’s feelings before the next chapter, which I think is an amazing thing to do if you can!

The story itself is great, and to be honest, I don’t really see much to critique. Perhaps a punctuation change here:

WestEndLover15 wrote:

I took comfort that he didn’t blame me entirely for his end, but it still felt like a dagger in my side every time I remembered that it was because of me. Because of my selfish longing for love that my first and last lover was gone.

I will confess that I had to reread the sentences again to catch the flow of them. At some point after you learn to read, your brain will pause when you see a period. In these two sentences, though, I think it would go a bit smoother if you replaced the period with a comma and perhaps another one here:

WestEndLover15 wrote:

I took comfort that he didn’t blame me entirely for his end, but it still felt like a dagger in my side every time I remembered that it was because of me. Because of my selfish longing for love that my first and last lover was gone.

In terms of taking the story further, it would depend on whether you wanted to go forward or backward in time. If you were going forward, perhaps another human stumbles upon her cottage, or a fellow witch approaches her with an offer that can bring back the love of her life. Definitely try to focus on her emotions during moments like this. I don’t know if witches are different, but people who have had their heart broken before are rather reluctant to put it back together for the sake of anyone. If this also happens to be true for our Hex counterparts, then show it! Show her reluctance and her pain and her fear even if she doesn’t know she has any of these. Pathos is an amazing way to get the reader to connect with a character.

If you happen to be going backward, then focus on the love. The joy. All couples fight once in a while, but the ones built to last do. It sounds like the Hex and the human loved each other so, so, much. Just thinking about it makes my heart warm, so imagine reading about it (which I would definitely love to do if you ever continue it).

All in all, this was a great story to read and I really enjoyed it! Thanks so much and don’t stop writing - you’re great at it! <3

Word war (256 words)

You were a challenging one, I’ll give you that. Really threw me for a loop when you broke free of my mental hold on you and tried to escape from my prison. I didn’t expect that. No one’s done it before.
And oh, how strange and exciting it was to know that you were Bonnie’s daughter! It’s kind of poetic, don’t you think? Who would have expected my late partner-in-crime to have a daughter with the person who sent me into hiding, then for me to kidnap her with no idea of her true past?
This is very good for me, you know. I would consider it revenge for everything Bonnie put me through. I trusted her and I loved her. More than life, more than anything. But then she went and stabbed me in the back. She betrayed me, giving up my secrets and my location to exonerate herself from harm. And then she went and loved the man who orchestrated my downfall. And that led to you, I suppose. What an interesting story.
I supposed your story will be over soon, though. What a shame. You really were an excellent captive. Full of spark and gumption, everything your mother had when she ran wild with me. Unfortunately, now that she betrayed me, I can’t trust anyone anymore. Disappointing, though; you would have made an excellent sidekick.
Well, I guess it’s time now. Brace yourself, it will all be over quickly.
Who am I kidding? I can’t do it. You have her eyes, you know.

Well This is for word wars

continuation of @27coding_crazy story

So that would make it 547/700 words

Time passes by as the shark makes his way through the dark unknown waters. Although it doesn’t know what it will await, the shark can’t help but feel a sense of pride as it swims.

The shark swims on, through reefs, sandy floors, and all the shades of blue you can think of. The sun was bright where the shark swam, it cast a radiant glow throughout the water. It was mesmerizing. Yet the light didn't fill what the shark most desired; A name

It wonders, what lies on the deepest part of the ocean, or what lies on land. What was bigger than it? Its imagination ran wildly, the shark was just a mere speck in the ocean. Everything felt bigger than it, yet the shark was bigger than everything it had ever seen before. Could its name bring that balance? The shark wondered endlessly what that could be.

As the day slowly falls into night, a small light catches its eyes, intrigued the shark turns to face it. It was darting in the water, shimmering brightly through the deep darkness of the ocean's water. The shark followed it, leaping up out of the water, and down all the way to the ocean floor. It never seemed to stop, but the shark still followed.

Suddenly, it disappeared. The shark dipped up to the surface of the water, looking frantically for the little spec of light it had been following for hours. Instead, it was greeted by an alarmingly cold breeze of wind, and a dark shadow lurking across the top of the water. It was going further into the distance, although the shark hadn't been swimming away from it. Maybe this could help it find its name! The shark quickly started towards the shadow when it felt something brush against its side, and before he could do anything about it, the shark was trapped.

to critique
this was for a literary magazine at school :zany: and it's based off the song “a total eclipse of the heart” also i think i wanted it to be sapphic but didn't do it cause school lol (432 words)

once upon a time there was light in my life

There were leaves drifting in the air, adding flecks of color to the already vibrant autumn forest. It was windy, a cool wind that rustled through the trees and caressed the two people walking lazily. They were dressed in the colors of fall, oranges and reds and browns and blended in with the landscape.

They danced under the trees, slowly, quicker. The breeze seemed to follow them as they wandered, soaking in the beauty.

The sun was setting, sending ruddy blossoms of light through the tree trunks, illuminating the couple. One was on the other’s shoulders, reaching up to brush the low-hanging branches and plucking off a few brittle leaves. They fell, toppling into the crushed leaves on the ground. The laughter drifted up, seemingly infecting the whole forest with light.

now there's only love in the dark

It was a bitter cold day. The sky was dark, even though it was only early afternoon. Clouds sped through the sky as if eager to get away from the person covered in sorrow. The sidewalk was icy slick underneath her, but there was no hesitation. She was running away, away from the darkness where there used to be joy. They had parted the night before and she had been running ever since. Her heart was cold and the world was dark and she didn’t think she’d ever love again.

Tears streaked her face from the night before, but she couldn’t cry anymore. It was partly the chill that seemed to be in her bones, but mostly the hollowness. Her heart was empty, there was a human-shaped hole. Maybe it was the shape of a hand, a punch straight through her. Maybe it was just broken in half. She didn’t know.

It had come out of nowhere. Two days ago she was filled with light and cheer and hope for a future with the two of them. Now it was only her.

nothing i can say

She wanted it back, all of it. The love, the delight, the blaze that had swept her off her feet. She was floating away and she didn’t want to come back down. Then she fell. She wanted it but she would never ask. She would never come back. She would break before she even said the name.

It was light then it was dark. It was exciting then it was loneliness. It was everything. Then it was nothing. It was a void in the sky. It was a void in her heart.

a total eclipse of the heart